Why I'm walking
On the 9th, I’ll be walking 9km to raise money for suicide awareness and Lifeline, supporting those in crisis and helping people in need. This cause is deeply personal for me. Over the years, I’ve lost friends to suicide and witnessed others make attempts on their lives. It’s heartbreaking and difficult to process, especially as someone who’s part of a community that faces additional challenges.
Being trans, I know how vulnerable our community is. Each year, we lose countless lives that we wish could have been saved. This year has been particularly rough. I’ve been on the receiving end of transphobic attacks and online harassment, grappling with grief and loss during my transition. It’s been isolating and dark, and I’ve often felt alone even when surrounded by others. But slowly, I’m finding my way back. I’ve been able to reach out when I can, and I hope to return to advocacy for myself and for other TGDNB folk. No trans youth or adult should endure the vilification, harassment, or erasure that’s often cast upon us.
One of the reasons I’m doing this walk is for a friend, Vlad, who was only in my life for a short time but left a lasting impression. Vlad was 25 when he passed, just three years older than I was. He prided himself on being the youngest train driver in Victoria. He never drank, but he’d often come to the bar where I worked just for company, and we’d talk late into the night before walking through the city.
Vlad’s job was brutal. He often spoke of the people who ended their lives by jumping in front of his train. He was taught to pull down a blind during those moments, a method meant to shield him from the trauma, but he shared these stories with me in detail. Over time, the weight of the job became too much. An incident involving some kids on his train led to a tragic accident, and the legal battle that followed was crushing for him. I tried to reach out as best I could, but despite my concerns, others thought he was okay. While I was in Berlin, I got the news that Vlad had ended his life.
After hearing of his death, I spent the next week isolating myself and walking through the streets of Berlin, just taking photos. The city became a place for me to process the overwhelming grief and guilt I carried. It was a way to cope when I couldn’t find the words or support I needed.
This walk is for Vlad, for my other friends, and for everyone who has felt alone in their darkest moments. In honor of those experiences, I’ll be taking photos along the route and offering prints to those who donate. It’s a way to connect the past with the present, and to use photography—something that has helped me heal—as a means of giving back.
If anyone would like to join me on the walk, feel free to reach out I'll likely find a trail near Bendigo or Castlemaine.
Let’s walk together for awareness, support, and change.
In loving memory of Amanda❤️